Doesn’t it seem like they keep redesigning our American currency every five seconds? Even before some vending machines have learned to accept the new bills, NEWER bills are unveiled.

I hate this. Leave my money alone! Well, it really isn’t mine, is it. It’s not yours, either. Truth is the government can keep dumbing down and making our money ugly and there’s not much we can do about it.

But we can blog about it! We don’t have to take it sitting down!

The new $5 bill makes its debut this month, and it’s as dumb and as ugly as ever. Luckily, Lincoln is still the face on the bill. But it’s riddled with yellow dots that upon close inspection reveal miniature numbers. There are various watermarks that THIS time will stop counterfeiters, right??

But the ugliest and distressing part of the new $5 bill is on the back. The bottom right hand corner has a number 5 that is bigger than the other three corners. It’s also in a cheap looking font. And it’s…gasp…PURPLE. Yes, the number 5 in the bottom right corner is PURPLE.

You see, it makes it easier to tell what bill it is when you are fanning through your money. It’s sad that we have gone from identifying bills at a glance based on the statesmen who adorn the once elegant currency. Now you don’t need to remember that Lincoln in on the $5 bill. Just look in the corner and let the purple number 5 help you set it apart!

It’s official. American currency now looks like SpongeBob Monopoly money. Fan through your wallet pretty soon and it will look like you just raided the Bank of Parker Brothers.

Watch and see. This won’t be the last redesign. The counterfeiters will outsmart the Feds as they always do and pretty soon our money will be pink, plastic, and the size of a stamp.

Wonder how Honest Abe will look in pink.