I finally did it.

After years of mixed emotions over having lost my hair, I took the route I never dreamed I would take.

I got a hair transplant.

My hair started falling out when I was in my early to mid 20s. It was awful and humiliating. I still can remember noticing it during the early “denial” stages–seeing the back of my head reflected back in a department store dressing room mirror.

Oh, it’s just the way I combed it today, I would say. Or it’s the bad lighting in this joint.

Nope. I was losing my hair. And FAST.

I went through the emotional roller coaster millions of people go through. I was too young. It wasn’t fair. Why did idiots on the street have enough hair for 5 men? Why wasn’t I losing hair on my arms or back or ears? Why JUST ON THE TOP OF MY HEAD?!?! WHY????

I was angry, depressed, and hopeless.

There was the money wasted on topical “solutions” that ended up growing 6 knuckle-quality hairs on the top of my head. WOW!

Then the prescription medicine that I stopped taking when my first born was conceived because of the risks of FETAL MUTATIONS. Nice!

What was I doing?? Scrubbing junk on my head?? Taking medicine that could deform my unborn baby??

I decided my vanity was immature and potentially DANGEROUS. So I decided to shave my head and deal with it. And I actually looked better WITHOUT hair, arguably. So I dealt with it.

Until recently. As much as my lovely wife loves my bald head, I couldn’t stand being called “Baldilocks” by the neighborhood kids (and some of my own, actually) anymore. It was too hard.

So I decided to get a transplant. What the heck. Millions of other bald men had done it. I could, too.

My 9-year-old son was the proud donor. He got a kick out of the fact that I would have his beautiful red hair growing majestically on the top of my otherwise barren fields of scalp.

“That’s gonna be MY hair up there!” he said as the doctor removed thousands of healthy and beautiful strands from his abundant head of hair.

He went back to school today and no one will even notice that they removed so many hairs. He still has millions left.

And I am already getting comments from the results.

“Hey, weren’t you bald yesterday?” I was asked at the gas station I frequent often (mostly for gasoline).

“Red suits you! Is it natural?” a cashier at Costco asked me.

My wife hates it though and preferred the way I looked with a cleanly shaved head. She doesn’t think I will look good with red hair, either.

The kids have stopped calling me Baldilocks and have now started calling me Ronald McDonald, which I am NOT OK with because the same hair looks STUNNINGLY HANDSOME on my 9-year-old son. Plus it hurts HIS feelings, as well as my own.

But they are just jealous. The main thing is, it has aided ME in MY confidence.

Sure I scare the baby and the dog won’t stop barking at me because she doesn’t recognize me.

But they will all adjust.

What other choice do they have?

I don’t care what they say anymore, this is MY life. Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone!